When I was 5 years old I was hit by a car. I flew up into the air, landed on the hood of the car, and bounced onto the road. As a result I broke my left leg, lost a lot of skin to the road and lived. The miracle is that I was not drug under the car, there was an EMT 20 yards away who set my leg and stopped the bleeding and finally I have not had any lasting physical effects from that event.
I have always felt blessed to be alive. Each day I get to struggle through is a gift from Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.
I didn’t realize until recently the effects that accident had upon my mind and heart. It has been over 30 years since that day. I guess it has taken this much time for me to be ready to overcome the other things that were injured.
My husband is an amazing hypnotherapist. He has the gift to help heal minds and hearts. A few months ago I began to feel stuck, unable to move forward with anything I wanted to accomplish. I asked him for help. What I learned as I relived that terrifying moment was painfully incredible. I had buried that experience deep within my mind to keep me safe. I learned that the underlying fear I felt in my soul constantly was a result of standing there watching that car come towards me. I learned that the panic I felt was rooted within me and had decided to hold me back from everything. It is never easy to confront emotions that are so powerful and real. It is by far one of the most difficult things I have ever done.
There is a beautiful thing that happens when you are in that level of meditation, trance. Your mind is able to see things clearly and you are able to learn safely what you need in order to move forward. Things open up that you never would have looked for. I finally saw that I am strong, brave and was worth saving.
Recently I have felt new stirrings of things to clear up. I have felt unsure, stuck to the ground and hesitant. Once again, I enlisted the help of my husband. Today I learned that accident had more of a hold on my life than I previously thought. Honestly I didn’t want to go back there and see it all again. I knew I could handle it, because I had done it before, I just didn’t want to. Alas, it was where I needed to go.
In my life I have always had this underlying hesitance that held me back from going full throttle. I have watched my daughter, who is our full-throttle, on the go, little fear, little person. I knew that somewhere within me I had once had that gift. It was frustrating to watch and know I had that ability once. Today I found that hesitance is what caused the accident. I didn’t trust myself to cross the street, but tried anyway. Once I stepped off the curb, I hesitated and the rest is history. Hesitance has done nothing for me, but caused pain physically and spiritually.
I have had a goal in karate to do these gorgeous jump kicks…a Chinese butterfly to be exact. I have never let myself leave the ground long enough to do it. I realized today that my fear of flying (jumping) came from being launched up into the air by the car. One cannot feel any sense of control in that environment. In my little 5 year old mind I equated leaving the ground to being out of control and getting hurt.
Today I learned that faith only works when we move full throttle. The world changes when we move forward with power and determination….holding nothing back. Whatever we hold back will in the long run hurt us. I learned it is okay to fly. We are meant to become powerful, amazing people. Sometimes we need to go in, face our hurts and terrifying moments to unlock our potential. Our world will be changed by Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ as we believe in the gifts they have given us and the power that they will unleash within us when we ask.