As I worked out this morning I was thinking about life as it has been for the past few months. I have not been able to put my finger on the purpose of why I have felt the way I have or the struggles I have been striving to overcome. It is as though I have had to swim upstream with a hand in the middle of my chest pushing me back. No matter how hard I have tried to swim faster, smarter, more paced or even all out sprinting, the hand remains…pushing. There have been days when I simply could not go any more and I found myself slipping downstream.
As much as I have wished at times that this battle was physical, it is not. It has been one that is waged within my heart and spirit. The enemy, although invisible to our eyes, is very real, very sly and untiring. The only times of rest have been sleep, and even then…
His tactics have been doubt, fear, negative thoughts, fighting, isolation, purposelessness, and confusion. It is like a barrage of artillery raining down. I am tired…
Working through all of this as the day began, I found in my spirit an answer that gave me hope. It was simply…choose. As I wrapped my heart around this simple word, my mind opened up to see light and the purpose of it all.
It is easy to choose a life devoted to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ when there is peace in our hearts, lives and minds. It is easy to say we will follow them when life is moving forward without any serious bumps and challenges. It is easy to think we have what it takes to do it when all is well.
When all of our comforts are taken, that is when the real choice is made. When all that we have are the promises that we have received, that is when we show Him where our hearts are.
I learned today that these daily battles have been for a purpose.
The purpose is to show Him that I will follow Them no matter what. That I will turn to Him when all seems lost. That I will continue to hold onto the promises I have been given, even when I can’t see how they could ever come to pass in my life. I will choose to fight, even when the battle never seems to end.
It is moments like this that renew my strength.