I just barely finished my workout for the day…typing is not something that comes easy when your hands are shaking from fatigue :). This is one of the most difficult workouts I have done in quite sometime. In and of itself, the Insanity Cardio Power and Resistance workout is tough, however today it seemed insurmountable. From the first set of jumping jacks to the last stretch, it took every ounce of willpower I had to not walk away.
But I made it. It was ugly, but I made it.
During the workout, my mind stretched to find the reason why it was so difficult today. I found the answer…I am battleworn.
In the Book of Mormon there is an extensive description of a very long war that occurred between the Nephites (those that worshiped God) and the Lamanites (those that chose another path). The Lamanites wanted domination and the Nephites wanted freedom for their families, their worship and their people. This war went on for years. It cost the lives of hundreds of thousands of people on both sides. There were many periods of famine and want for the necessities of life. Yet, each side fought on until the Lamanites were defeated and forced to retreat back to their own lands.
At the end of the war the prophet of God knew he needed to bring the people back to their God, because they had been fighting for so long that their hearts had started to become hardened. I am sure because of what they saw, sacrificed and lived through, they had to build a defense around their hearts in order to survive. They had become battleworn.
I am so blessed that I have not had to live through something that horrific. I know there are people who do every day and my heart and prayers go out to them. I believe there comes a point (more than one) in our lives when we are required to fight with everything we have for long periods of time. These wars are waged withing the depths of our souls and the wounds we receive are usually not visual.
Life is given to us for us to choose. It is something that is spoken of often…we choose how we react to situations, how we feel, what we do, and so forth. Ultimately there is one and only one choice that is vital we make. We are here to choose Heavenly Father or something far less. Every other choice is a demonstration of this ONE choice. It is essential that we choose Him in whatever situation we may be in. Whether it is in the peaceful moments or in the trenches of soul warfare, we make our choice.
It is a daily exercise. Some days it is easy to push through, others it takes every ounce of strength we have to call out to Him. I called out to Him during my workout today. I needed something to pull through. I have called out to Him so many times during this war I have been engaged in for over a year. He has not seen fit to end my war as of yet, but He has given me the strength, weapons and faith to pull through the daily battles. These have not come as I would have envisioned, but they have been what I have needed. He is training me on different strategies, weapons and talents.
I am grateful He has the faith in me He does. In the end that is what I have come to in order to understand a little of why.