Today started rather abruptly with a thunderstorm crashing into the mountains behind our home. It was magnificent! With each clap of thunder, my heart started racing and the adrenaline started to flow. I felt so alive. My heart and mind were opened and I was able to feel, hear and receive.
I have been doing a lot of pondering about faith. It is a power that I have yet to fully understand. Alma, a prophet in the Book of Mormon, describes it as a tree that needs to be nourished in order to grow into knowledge.
There has been an effectual battle within my mind over the past few days. I have wondered why deep down inside of my heart I have faith in the promises of Heavenly Father, yet my mind is fighting with this knowledge because I have not seen the way out. It has brought into question the reality of my faith…do I have sufficient to enable me to come through this storm stronger? It has been the cause of much reflection, tears and questioning.
I am forever thankful for a Heavenly Father who is patient, forgiving and completely loving. As I finally approached Him with my questions, He listened and answered like He always does. I say finally, because I fought it for a long time. In my ever evolving heart, I thought that questions like this were not worthy to be taken to Him and I needed to work them out on my own. An idea that has no merit or place in the heart of someone who is striving to draw nearer to her Heavenly Father. There is not a question that He will not listen to and answer.
As I verbalized what was in my heart…the pain, questions, apologies and surrender, I felt a peace begin to take hold in my heart; one that hasn’t been there for a while now. There have been times when I have heard that the peace comes and envelopes the entire person, this was not the case for me at this time. It had to start small, just like the faith I am working on right now.
This morning as I watched the rain fall, listened to its beautiful song and felt the gratitude for such a wonderful way to wake up, my answer began to take hold. It came so quietly. I am sure I would have missed it at any other time of the day. I learned that my faith, just like a child, is growing. I have reached a point in my life where my faith needed to take on a new strength, it needed to grow like the tree Alma describes. As with any new growth, there is stretching to new limits, some pain and mostly a desire to take care of what is gained.
All of the sudden, my heart opened and I received divine understanding. My faith needs to be in Him, not solutions that I think would be the best. My faith needs to be in His son, who will give me the strength I need and make up the differences in my weakness. My faith needs to allow me to grow, feel pain, watch for His hand and become who He needs me to be.
He is amazing!