Balance is a tricky thing. It is something we all strive to achieve, however it is quite fragile when we think about it. I have learned a few things about balance over the past couple of days…and learning about balance means we don’t always maintain it in the process.
This morning as I was doing a balance portion of my Insanity workout, I noticed a few things that struck me. As I stood there on one foot while kicking with the other one, I took note of the reasons I was having balance checks and wobbles. When my focus strayed from the spot I use to center myself, my balance followed it. When my core was not solid, neither was the balance. When my foot decided the surface I was standing on wasn’t stable enough, my balance decided to take a walk. When I wasn’t centered with my entire body, balance was not an option.
So what does this all mean in life? Well let me tell you. This week I have decided to pursue a new journey, one that will definitely change my life, my family and the lives of many others. It hasn’t been an easy decision to come to…in fact it has taken a year for me to decide to move forward. Once this decision was made and I had taken the first step, it was as if all opposition that could be thrown at me was launched. It took the form of doubts, fears, nightmares, sickness, unease within my heart, and pure emptiness. I felt like I was being pushed down from every direction possible.
Sometimes I don’t see things for what they really are for a little bit. It isn’t until I open up to my best friend (my husband) that my eyes are cleared and I can recognize what is going on. I took my focus off of the result of the decision and began to look at the sacrifices we will have to make, the uncertainty that seems to be a part of our lives right now and the wondering if I have what it takes. My balance was thrown off kilter. I felt like I had fallen down. I kept apologizing to my husband and Heavenly Father for not being strong enough to stand any more. I kept thinking that I was weak and I just didn’t have what it takes to do it any more.
I learned today that there is a HUGE difference between falling down and being pushed down. When there is opposition surrounding you, creating an atmosphere that is not conducive at all to balance, there is a good chance that you will hit the ground. This opposition tries to create an unstable surface, pull your focus away, hit your core so hard you release for just a moment, and drag you out of center. It doesn’t do it one at a time, it hits you on every side, repeatedly. I hit the ground, bounced and lost my orientation for a moment.
If I had fallen, I would have made choices that were not in line with the life I have chosen to live. I would have turned away from Heavenly Father and, in essence, walked right into the storm. I would have left my Savior, who came so that I could be strengthened. That is falling down.
I am forever grateful for the hand that reached down into my pit and pulled me out. I fell in love with those hands and the man whose they are 19 years ago. Sometimes we just need somebody to restore our balance by helping us re-focus on the strength that is within us. I am blessed.