This all sounds a little silly, however it is what it is and I am learning. I am truly grateful for a patient Heavenly Father, who, I imagine, smiles and giggles at the thoughts and ideas I come up with. He knows what is truly good for me and will give me just that…not this other stuff I think I need to move forward.
I imagine Him this way, because I watch my children do the same things with me that I do with Him. I find comfort in this because it means I am still young, at least in my heart. I giggle and smile at some of their ‘well concocted plans’ and then I try to allow my kids to work out what they have thought of. Every now and then it is a flat out ‘no’, because I know it will not do them any good.
Recent events in our lives have allowed us to look in different directions for the path that Heavenly Father would have us follow. It has been a little difficult, because we have felt like we are wandering around in a very dark, bumpy place. Not being able to see what is ahead of us has been very disconcerting at times. Most days we just take things an hour at a time and rejoice when we get to go to bed, because it is a few hours of non-thinking and ‘rest’.
I have recently realized that this is not a punishment or curse on our behalf. It is a time for us to learn and discover. I have found that my heart and mind are searching for answers, therefore, I am looking to Him. I have learned that. although, life will get very uncomfortable, all of His promises are sure….in His way. My solutions are generally very short sighted, because that is all I have. I cannot see past where I am, even though I try. His solutions are eternal in nature. They are given at the perfect time and in the perfect way. They are what our souls need.
A few days ago we received a heads-up on a possibility for our family. It looked like it would be a wonderful path for us to go down. We started praying about and for this possibility. I thought that it was the answer, because of the good it would do for us and others. We felt good about pursuing this and other opportunities we had before us. It turns out that this possibility was not meant to be at all. It would have meant that we would have to relocate across the country and start over. We have found where we are supposed to be, so that was a complete deal killer.
I will be honest, I did my best to not get angry at Heavenly Father…it never does me any good. My heart was broken, crushed and it was difficult to breathe. I knew bargaining with Him is not an option. I knew He had heard every plea my heart and soul has made. So I took some time to be grateful. Not for the things I always say thank you for. I stretched my soul and went deeper. As I was offering this prayer, I felt that I should ask for understanding, so I did.
Here is my little miracle….understanding was given. It came as I went throughout the day thinking about the whys. As I saw with my heart how He had been working in our lives to place us on the path He needs us on, I realized that things are how they are supposed to be. My heart became lighter. I was, and still am, in complete awe of how He orchestrates our lives. This path is an incredible path…it is one that will allow us to help so many people.
The miracles I sought for were great in design, however they were not the ‘small and simple things’. It is this seemingly small thing…understanding, that has been the miracle I needed most. Once again He and His Son have come to my rescue. They have healed me and given me strength to go on.