There seems to be times when the road of life is relatively straight and we see what is coming from quite a distance. It is easy to prepare ourselves for any bumps that appear on the horizon.
Then there are the moments when we are travelling through a perilous canyon with hair-pin turns, steep grades that rise and fall within moments of each other and let’s not forget the potholes that engulf our hearts and jar our souls.
Yet, I think we learn the most when we are travelling on the edge of peril day in and day out.
I have learned more than I thought I could in this little canyon of life we are travelling in…
There is nothing quite like the power of accepting the will of our Heavenly Father, especially when it is something that we never thought we would do. I have experienced many of these moments over the past few weeks.
For the longest time I have believed that when I surrender myself to His will and accept what He knows is best for me I would feel this overwhelming sense of peace, strength or courage. I have found that this is not the case for me. It is as though my heart felt the calm, however the mind and body had to deal with the surrounding storm that accompanies these decisions.
For a while I felt that I was doing this whole thing wrong and that I should be as calm as a summer morning in spite of the raging storm following us. I felt that I should know all of the answers or at least have a glimmer of understanding. Because I haven’t had either, again, I thought I was doing this whole thing wrong. When there is a lot of uncertainty, the negative voices seem to talk louder and entice me to feel this way.
Searching through the scriptures, I found that many times those called upon to accept the will of the Lord, when they didn’t know how to move forward, were just as confused and lost as I have felt. There is a lot of comfort knowing that those who have gone before have struggled through their own canyons of growth too.
Truth be told, I have felt lost and found at the same time going through these twists and turns. I have felt the reassurance that all would be worked out for our good while at the same time wondering how it will happen. I have felt the calm in my heart while doing things that have scared me at a visceral level. I have felt a strength that enables me to put one foot in front of the other when I don’t have anything left to give.
It is the little things that have gotten me through….the little daily, seemingly insignificant actions that have helped me navigate these twists and turns. In my heart I feel like there are many more to come before the blessed relief of the rolling hills. So for now I will pray, study, act and face this head-on….