The quiet of the morning is my favorite time of day. I love to sit on my front porch to read scriptures and drink in the newness of the day. I have found that this is when I find many answers to the questions that lie within my heart.
It never ceases to amaze me how the answers to unspoken questions come. I am often taken back by the stillness of the voice that speaks in my heart and mind. It has a way of answering these questions with truth and ideas that I know I could never have found on my own.
I have come to love these moments on the porch deeply. Our lives have been wrapped in overwhelming questions as of late. It has seemed that with each moment of clarity more questions have come up. It becomes quite overwhelming at times. Yet, the moments on the porch have given me the most clarity.
Today I woke up with a darkness that had settled in my heart and mind. It is not something I am unfamiliar with, yet today it was quite powerful. The darkness brought with it feelings of despair and hopelessness. I felt lost with nothing to offer. It was all I could do to utter a small prayer of gratitude for a new day (I am sure my heart was not fully in that one, but I did the best I could) and stumble out of the bedroom.
I am thankful for the power of ritual, because it gave me the strength to pick up my scriptures and head outside. The coolness of the morning cleared my heart a little and I found a little bit greater capacity to talk to my Heavenly Father. Again, it wasn’t an amazing prayer, but it was all I had.
I honestly don’t remember much of what I read, but I know it was what I needed to do to reconnect with Him.
As I finished and came inside, there was renewed desire to pray. The darkness continued to envelope my heart, but I felt like I had what I needed to share what was in there with Him. It is scary at times to really share with Him when my heart feels like it is wrapped in stone. I opened as much of it as I had strength for and spoke what I could and felt what I couldn’t.
Deep down I knew that the answer I desired was not going to be the answer I was going to receive. It is just the way it is right now. Yet, as I finished speaking to Him I felt something. Peace. It was manna to my soul. My mind was reminded of something Jesus Christ said to His disciples:
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. John 14:27
Honestly, I do not know what the future holds for our little family, yet He gives His peace. It is truly the calm within the storm, the rock that strengthens our hearts to take one more step and the hope that there are greater things coming.
Today, His peace will keep the darkness from overtaking my heart.