It is all about the journey….

Archive for September, 2014

I Am His

I Am HisI read a scripture a few days ago that has penetrated my heart and brought a deeper knowledge of the love Jesus Christ has for me…

“Yea, blessed is this people who are willing to bear my name; for in my name shall they be called; and they are mine.” (Mosiah 26:18)

…they are mine….

As I read that verse, I thought about the husband and children I have been blessed with. They are mine and I love them with such a profound love that grows daily.

I thought about how that translates into the love my Savior has for me. He blesses my life daily through the power of His life, gospel and Atonement.

As I have struggled with growth for the past couple of years, it is evident how much He has been involved in feeding me the daily bread I have required. There have been days that He has had to lift my chin and feed me by hand. There have been days that He has left a little bit here and a little bit there for me to find and replenish my heart. There have been days that He has allowed me to share what I have to feed another.

I am astounded often times that I am that important to Him, and yet it makes sense. He bought me for a price…and He knows I am worth everything He gave for me. It is up to me to remember this, because as He said,

“I have engraven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me.” (Isaiah 49:16)

I have always loved this scripture. I has shown me that I am His…He is there to lift me, strengthen me, guide me and comfort me when I am faced with the challenges that this life throws at me. Every time I have been faced with something that felt too heavy to bear, He has lifted me….I just needed to look for Him.

On days that seem eternal, heavy and overwhelming, I will remember….

I am His.

Then I will overcome.

Advertisements

Not Yet

Not YetI have to hope that there are more people out there like me…. I have to hope that there are those who are in the process of a particularly keen growth spurt that hope and pray for it to end at some point…preferably sooner than later. If not, then once again I am unique in my heart and mind.

There are mornings when I wake up and can feel the heaviness of the day already in my heart. Other mornings are filled with a sense of hope and purpose (these have been a little less common). I have fought through every day, making it to the end with a prayer in my heart.

Every day I wake up, I say a prayer. I try not to bore Heavenly Father with repetition, but sometimes my needs feel like they are the same as they were the day before. I have been working on asking for help to find others to reach out to and for ways to serve, hoping that this will help ease the heaviness that lives there. Some days I find the answers to these prayers outside of my home, and other days the opportunities are right in my home.

As the dawn has begun to manifest itself within our lives, I hate to admit that I have become quite impatient for the rest of the light to spread. I ache for the warmth of the sun light to touch my heart and to lift the weight that is there. As hard as I pray for it to come quickly, the light creeps ever so slowly towards me.

“Not yet.”

This is what has been in my heart today. There is more to learn and to understand before I will be ready for the light in my life. As much as I want it to be day, there is still darkness to pass through. I have had to still my heart and allow my soul to find the rest that Jesus Christ has promised us. This has been the most difficult thing for me to do, now that I have seen a glimmer of hope.

“Not yet.”

Heavenly Father knows when we are ready to move on from where we are. He will bring the light to me when it is time. He will show me how to live in the light once again. He will give me the strength to endure, if I believe in Him. He will bring to pass all of the promises He has made to me and my family. He will allow us to grow until that time. He will take care of us as we move towards where He needs us to go.

“Not yet.”

Knowing this I prayed today for that peace that only Jesus can bring. This is the peace that will overcome the moments when the fingers of darkness try to wrap themselves around my heart causing me to doubt what I know. This peace will allow me to be still and trust in a Father who loves me more than I can know.

“Not yet.”

It is okay.

Nothing Left

The WellThere is a woman in the Old Testament that I have always admired. She lived at a time when the heavens were sealed by the prophet Elijah. Her life was not one of luxury, simply living day to day. Her greatest blessing was her son and her faith in the God of Israel. She is simply referred to as the widow of Zarephath.

I am sure the day she met Elijah her heart was heavier than what she could bear. Her cupboards were almost completely empty, with no hope of relief on the horizon. She had just enough for her and her son to survive one more day.  I wonder how often she had gone to the Lord in prayer, tears streaming down her face, pleading for deliverance…more for her beloved son than for herself. I wonder how she found the strength to take each step that led her to her destination that day.

And yet, when Elijah asked her to fetch him some water, she went. Then came the question that I am sure caused her heart to plummet into her stomach….”Bring me, I pray thee, a morsel of bread in thine hand.” Her response speaks volumes of her heart:

And she said, As the Lord thy God liveth, I have not a cake, but an handful of meal in a barrel, and a little oil in a cruse: and, behold, I am gathering two sticks, that I may go in and dress it for me and my son, that we may eat it, and die.”

I have often wondered why the Lord would require such faith from one who had offered so many prayers, sought His will and did her best to do it. She had only the words spoken from a stranger to give her any sort of hope or strength:

“And Elijah said unto her, Fear not; go and do as thou hast said: but make me thereof a little cake first, and bring it unto me, and after make for thee and for thy son. For thus saith the Lord God of Israel, The barrel of meal shall not waste, neither shall the cruse of oil fail, until the day taht the Lord sendeth rain upon the earth.”(1Kings 17)

She had nothing left in her soul, but the faith she had succored each day. With that faith, she did as he asked and was blessed just as was promised.

As I pondered the turn our life has taken at this time and the many questions that continue to be asked, my mind was directed to this story. Today, I feel as I have nothing left. I see into her heart a little clearer and will follow the example she set. The little faith I do my best to succor each day. I do my best to keep my heart soft through prayer and studying of the scriptures so that I may be ready when an answer comes.

I learned today that when we have nothing left, it is when the promises can be fulfilled. It is when our hearts only have Him to look to for deliverance, that He can come.

Just as this woman was blessed, I know we too shall find our barrel filled and our oil sustained. He has never left us. He has never failed us.

The Dawn

amazing-sunriseI have heard many times in my life that it is always the darkest before the dawn. When you are in that darkest place, that quote can either bring comfort or irritation. I have experienced both as we have traveled through a bit of darkness in our lives. Today it brought comfort to me.

I have been seeking understanding for the current journey we are on for quite some time. I have prayed for this understanding to lighten my load and bring light to a spirit that has felt dark and alone. The times when I have felt irritation with the darkness is when I have felt a hardening of my heart, the uncertainty of the future and the desire for the dawn to come earlier than it is supposed to.

Over the past few months there have been brief moments of understanding that have come into my heart. I know that they are not my thoughts, but whisperings of someone who knows far more than I do. They have come as tiny rays of light filling my heart and allowing me to see what was necessary to give me hope and direction.

With each dawn, the light comes almost imperceptively and gradually strengthens as it approaches. It is natural. It is quiet. It is life-giving. It is beautiful, especially after a particularly dark night.

Darkness brings with it a myriad of experiences. It is near impossible to negotiate in darkness without tripping, getting smacked at various locations, running into things and feeling hopeless. There is a special, exquisite feeling of loneliness that comes when we cannot see where we are going or feel what is ahead of us. It can feel as though we are screaming into a void, with nothing coming back.

Yet, the darkest of nights give us the opportunity to see the brightest dawns.

I love being in the mountains to watch the sun come up. I see the first evidences of light in the sky. As the sun begins to emerge over the top of the mountain, the horizon becomes clear. The shadows gradually creep back, retreating before the beauty of the light can overtake them. And then, the world has opened up.

Our dark night has begun to yield. We are seeing the faintest evidences of the coming dawn. Just as it is with the mountain, we have been able to see things on the horizon first. The shadows continue to do their best to keep hold, but they will retreat as the light grows stronger. I have prayed for this moment time and time again, knowing that the dawn will come at the time Heavenly Father knows it will be the best for us. I have tried over and over to speed this process up, however His timing is always perfect.

I am forever grateful for this night we have passed through. I have never reached out so deeply and strongly to my Savior. I have never relied so much on Heavenly Father’s love and mercy. I have never seen so many daily blessings that they give us, which we can take for granted. I have never felt so close to my incredible family.

To be grateful for the dawn, we must be grateful for the night.

Tag Cloud