We had been looking for a new ‘where’ in our lives. It felt like it was time to move on, yet we didn’t know how or where to go. A feeling of being stuck pervaded my heart and my greatest desire was to break away from it and everything around me. I thought that a new ‘where’ would be the answer, because sometimes new beginnings allow us to renew.
One day we happened to be visiting family in a beautiful valley. The mountains surrounding this valley were covered with freshly fallen snow, the air was crisp and clear and the feelings of peace were tangible to my heart. I fell in love with that place and everything I felt in that moment…so did my little family.
As I pondered this new ‘where’ I found many answers and ideas flooding into my heart and mind. A possible position for my husband came to mind, a way to start a business that I have been thinking about opened up and the possibilities for our children seemed amazing.
It truly felt good.
However as life moved forward, it didn’t move forward in that direction.
I couldn’t understand and my heart began to panic. I wanted this all so badly and everything about it felt good and right, so why wasn’t it working? I went through the normal questions….was I not worthy of a blessing like this? did I do something wrong? were these all my thoughts, not inspiration?…on and on it went.
I realized that these questions were not doing anything for my spirit. My prayers were an echo of these questions, an echo that is not ready to receive.
As I thought about my questions, I realized that, although I had been asking, I was not ready to receive His answer. I only wanted my answer, my way, my path.
It took a little bit of time for me to get to the point where I would be ready for His answer, not mine.
So I prayed…for His answer.
I explained everything I had felt and thought. I explained why I wanted this ‘where’. Then I asked, “Is it what Thou needs us to do? Is it where we need to be?”
The feeling of peace that came over my heart was so powerful. It was not a yes, no or this is what I need. It was, “Be still. I’ve got this. You are being taken care of.”
I learned that it is okay to search our paths with our minds and hearts. I learned that sometimes we walk down a path for a little while and find it to be a dead end…only to realize that is not where we need to go. I learned that while we are on this ‘wrong’ path there are other things that open up in our hearts that we never would have searched for.
Mostly I learned that when my heart is ready, He will answer with unmistakable peace and clarity.