It is all about the journey….

Archive for March, 2015

He Knows

He KnowsLife is such right now that I have been pondering the role of Jesus Christ in my life. As I have thought on Him, I have had a song playing in my mind….’He Knows’ by Jeremy Camp.

How I love my Savior!

There are so many small evidences of His love, so many times I know He knows my name and my heart. It is in these moments that I have a small glimpse of what He did for me. My heart feels that deep, enduring love.

For quite some time we have been carrying a load that has felt like more than we can hold up. We have had moments when the load is lightened, and more moments when we have been given even more. It has felt like our knees would buckle under the pressure. In our hearts and in our minds there have been many moments we could not make sense of anything, let alone add one more puzzle to figure out.

At times I have struggled with feelings of inadequacy, weakness, anger and frustration. These feelings have done nothing to bring me the strength and peace my soul craves.

Each time I have arrived at our breaking point, I have felt of His love and the enabling power offered through the Atonement. Healing has come into my heart and taken all of the feelings that keep me from moving forward.

Grace is beautiful!

I am confident in saying that this time in our lives is, and will always be sacred, because we have seen Him reach down and lift us time and time again. I have spent days in prayer asking for guidance, because I don’t know what to do, how to do it, and what to say. Every time I have spoken these pleas out loud or in my heart, I have known deep down that Heavenly Father hears and through Him my answers come.

The peace I have felt in my heart today has been quiet, but real. It can only come from One who knows.

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Uncharted Waters

In the Book of Mormon there is a story that involves a nation relocating to a promised land. These people were spared the cursing that came to those who built the tower of Babel. Through the faith of their prophet and his brother, they were blessed to keep their language and families intact.

Uncharted WatersAs the Jaredites wandered, gathered and learned in a wilderness, they were prepared to build a new nation. Their leaders were given the instructions they needed to move forward a little bit at a time. Eventually they reached a beautiful beach that symbolized rest and abundance for them. After a time, they were commanded to move on. It was required of them to construct boats that would carry them across waters that had never been charted.

Following the directions given them from  on high, they build these boats that were air-tight, water-tight and very light. They must have been quite curious as to why and what purpose this type of construction would serve them, inspite of this they did all that they were commanded to do.

As the boats were completed, they prepared themselves, their animals and food for a journey that they had no idea how long would last or how comfortable would be. In faith, they moved forward. The verses in Ether chapter 6 say it beautifully:

And it came to pass that when they had prepared all manner of food, that thereby they might subsist upon the water, and also food for their flocks and herds, and whatsoever beast or animal or fowl that they should carry with them—and it came to pass that when they had done all these things they got aboard of their vessels or barges, and set forth into the sea, commending themselves unto the Lord their God.

And it came to pass that the Lord God caused that there should be a furious wind blow upon the face of the waters,towards the promised land; and thus they were tossed upon the waves of the sea before the wind.

And it came to pass that they were many times buried in the depths of the sea, because of the mountain waves which broke upon them, and also the great and terrible tempests which were caused by the fierceness of the wind.

And it came to pass that when they were buried in the deep there was no water that could hurt them, their vessels being tight like unto a dish, and also they were tight like unto the ark of Noah; therefore when they were encompassed about by many waters they did cry unto the Lord, and he did bring them forth again upon the top of the waters.

WavesAnd it came to pass that the wind did never cease to blow towards the promised land while they were upon the waters; and thus they were driven forth before the wind.

And they did sing praises unto the Lord; yea, the brother of Jared did sing praises unto the Lord, and he did thank and praise the Lord all the day long; and when the night came, they did not cease to praise the Lord.

10 And thus they were driven forth; and no monster of the sea could break them, neither whale that could mar them; and they did have light continually, whether it was above the water or under the water.

This story has taken on a new meaning in my life. We spent two amazing years in an area that was like this beach to me. We were surrounded by beauty, love. learning and hope. Yet, somehow we knew it was not the end of our journey. We were asked to build ‘boats’ that we didn’t understand, gather strength for a journey we didn’t know how long or where it would take us and learn how to stand strong against storms that swirled around us.

As we cast our boats into the seas, we did as this Jaredite nation did…we commended ourselves unto the Lord our God. There is more comfort that words can express in knowing we have done everything He has asked us to do, even when we didn’t understand why and it didn’t make sense to our mortal minds. We have found that there is greater strength and guidance in the enabling power of the Atonement. This act by our Savior has kept our boat above water and safe from the monsters that would destroy us.

We know as we are tossed on the waves of these waters, we will always rise. We know that as we are buffeted by the storms that come, we will always stand strong. We know that there are no depths that can swallow us, because we have the power of Him to bring us up. We know that no matter what, our family is in this boat together and here we will stay.

I am grateful for uncharted waters. I am grateful that He trusts us enough to teach us how to build our boats. I am grateful to know deep in my heart that everything we do to obey and become who He needs us to be pushes us closer to that promised land. I am grateful for a Savior who has reached down so many times and lifted me through His grace.

The Big Plan

The Big PlanSometimes the first sentence of a post is the most difficult. To me it is the door to the room of all that I have in my heart to share. Opening this door can be a little challenging, especially when I want the words to be just right.

As I work at opening the door tonight, I feel like it is a big room waiting on the other side. There is so much to share and I wonder if the reasons I am struggling with this door are that words cannot do what I have felt justice. Yet, turn the knob I will…

I have thought a lot about how limited my vision of life truly is. My spirit desires to see the big picture, to know the results and understand what I am learning at the time. Honestly there are times when I just want to see the end of the path I am on to know it is worth it to stay there. Yet, more often than not, I simply want to see how things truly are working from Heavenly Father’s point of view.

Our paths are unique to us. Our victories, agonies, ups, downs, twists and turns are all tailored to our growth. Adversity is something that is given to us to allow us to see what is truly important. We may not see or understand in the moment, however as we ask and turn our vision to Him, we see that those things that may have been taken or thrust upon us are the very things we did or did not need.

Our moments of agony and trial are opportunities for us to see how He truly works in our lives. I have learned in my moments of agony and dispair that the enabling power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ is the only way my heart can make it. I have been given moments to let go of pride and receive offerings of help that are beautiful evidences of someone listening to the whisperings of the Holy Ghost. I know that these offerings come from heaven, because of how specific they are…how incredibly detailed they are in conjunction to the prayers I have offered out loud and in my heart.

As much as I want to see more, I am truly grateful for the slivers of understanding that come when I turn my eyes to Them and I am allowed to see things as they truly are. The beauty of the Big Plan is that I am not going to see everything all at once. The beauty is I get to see it unfold a little at a time and see the miracles and gifts that will come from those that knew me before I came…who know me now….and know who I am meant to be.

Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are kind. I love Them.

Time

It has been just over a week in our new home, new area and new adventures. I am often amazed at how much learning Heavenly Father can fit into one week….one day.

Last week was filled with adapting and change. It became apparent quickly that there would be more change necessary for our son as we navigated his schooling. More than anything he wanted to stay where he was, because there were so many good friends and (I hate to say this as a Mom, but I will) girls. It was a good school.

I had the feeling near the beginning of the week that it would be his last week there. In my normal way, I wanted to just tell him that it was time to change and be done with it. ITimet is just ‘easier’ if we make the decision and move on it. Yet, that is not how he needed to learn.

Each day I pray for guidance with my children…how to help them, what to say, what not to say and what I should and should not do for them. Some days these prayers remain as an open ended conversation, because I just need His wisdom. He knows these children so much deeper than I ever will.

As I thought about what I had felt, the impression came to me that I needed to step back and allow my son to learn this one. I received this feeling and prayed for strength to do so.

During our commutes, we were able to have good conversations about everything. I love the relationship I have with my son…he is wise beyond his years and also 13 in his thinking. It is an interesting, never dull combination. As we talked about him transferring schools, he rejected the idea at first. Then, as he saw the sacrifices we all were making for him, he took another look at what he wanted.

He asked for advice on how to make the best choice. “What do I do mom? I asked Heavenly Father to tell me what to do, but I didn’t get an answer.”

I talked to him about the gift we received before we came….our agency. This is one of the greatest learning tools we have. It gives us the opportunity to weigh decisions in our minds and make a choice based on what we know and feel. The best part is Heavenly Father wants us to use this agency, make choices and then come to Him with our decision. The key is being ready for His answer, because there are times when we think we have it all figured out with our limited scope and yet, with His eternal view, it is not what we need.

He was quite agitated in the spirit for a few days. Fortunately for us this kid is pretty transparent with his feelings. As with all teenagers, it takes some prodding, but he will eventually share what is in his heart. Watching him weigh this choice was difficutly beautiful. It is never easy to see our children struggle, however this is when they grow to be who they are meant to be.

Once he made his decision, he prayed and felt okay. He said it was the most peace he felt in a long time, because he had at least made a choice. His answer wasn’t quite what he thought it should be, so he did what most of us do…he did his best to create an atmosphere that would get the answer he wanted.

Heavenly Father knows better.

With the deadline of transferring coming up, he spent some time counselling with his Dad. My husband has a gift to help our children see things from different perspectives. This was vital to understanding why his prayers were answered the way that they were. He knew that staying in school where he was was not an option. So he returned to his knees and found the answer that brought true peace.

The change was made.

Standing back and giving him time was a gift to me. I saw the slightest of glimpses of how Heavenly Father works in our lives at times. Time…. He sees that we need to have the opportunity to weigh the options, learn what is important to us and then take it before Him. He is always ready to counsel with us and give us the next bit of knowledge.

The first few days of the new school have not been easy. He has mentioned more than a few times how he wants to go back to the familiar. Yet, because he received the answer from Heavenly Father, he knows he is where he is supposed to be. It doesn’t erase the adversity that comes when we are being strengthened. It does give us a certain level of peace, knowing that there is something greater than what we can see.

As  time moves forward, he will understand the wisdom of what took place at this point in his life. Time….

I am grateful for the time I have to be his mom. He is one amazing boy.

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