It is all about the journey….

Archive for April, 2015

The Storm

It is raining here tonight. It is the beautiful, cleansing, renewing rain…perfect for a heavy heart.

The StormI have been blessed with two beautiful children…they are the perfect mix of my husband and I. I am pretty sure they came that way so that we could understand them and they could teach us.

Right now I am learning from my sweet daughter. I see so much of me when I was her age, yet there is a wonderful amount of her too. She is strong willed, a bit sassy, full of imagination, and truly beautiful. She is always so willing to reach out and bless the life of someone in need. She has a gift to see things that are normally missed.

Yet….she is struggling within her heart.

I have found that there are times as a parent when I need to back down and let them learn and there are times when I need to say things that are honest and difficult. It is part of being a parent.

Over the past couple of days her struggle has created the necessity for both. Her struggle is fears that have engulfed her heart and created a belief that she can’t do certain things. As a result, she is stuck. On the outside looking in, I have thought how she just needs to ‘rip the bandaid’ and do what scares her. It would change her life for the good. It hurts to see her quit on herself because she is scared.

As we talked to her about this the tears rolled down her cheeks. She cowered because our words were truth and it struck her little heart. She wanted so badly to be anywhere but where she was, yet her spirit knew she needed to hear what was said. My husband shared with her 2 Timothy 1:7…

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Teaching her that she has the divine within her, the power of our Heavenly Father, was a moment I will treasure. It reminded me of who I truly am. Watching her slowly embrace that truth was beautiful. I know it is something that we will continually need to teach her, because it is something that I continually need to understand.

Watching her make choices that teach her lessons is so difficult sometimes. I have questioned whether or not I have taught her what she needs to know. I wonder if I have not given her the tools she needs to make the decisions that will lead her away from the struggles she currently lives with. It is difficult, because I see a different, better way….yet, it is not my decision.

I love her with all I have. I would do anything for her and yet, I can’t.

So I kneel by her bed while she is sleeping and pray to be the mother she needs me to be. I pray to understand her as He does, so that I can help her or allow her to be.

I have so much to learn and there are days when that feels very heavy in my heart. Today is one of those days.

I am so thankful for a quiet moment, standing in the rain, speaking my heart to Him. I know my words were heard through the song of the rain. I know He saw me. I know He will guide me to help one of His choice daughters. I just need to listen.

Who We Truly Are

Who We Truly AreTonight I was reminded of a deep and powerful truth and I felt like I needed to share….like somebody needed to hear it too.

In the Pearl of Great Price, God reveals himself to Moses. As He is speaking with Moses there are many times when God refers to Moses as, “my son.” He could have called Moses anything, and yet God chose to show Moses who he truly is…a son of God.

It would be easy to pass this story off and say that He has never spoken to me face-to-face, so what would it mean for me? Yet, the deep meaning here is the most powerful knowledge that we could ever have…

We are His.

We are His daughters.

We are His sons.

We are His.

As such, we have divinity within us. We have the capabilities to face things that feel bigger than us and overcome. We have the gifts to do more than we ever thought we had power to do. We have the knowledge that there is someone greater than everything who loves us deeply.

There have been many times that I have forgotten this reality. As I have allowed this knowledge to fade from my heart, I have seen firsthand the sadness, fear, anxiety, loneliness and heartache that takes it place. I know I cannot live without Him there.

So many of life’s problems come when we forget who we truly are. Yet, so many of life’s problems are overcome when we remember and trust.

Because we are His, we have within us the strength to overcome, the power to move forward, the gift to change and the ability to see. There is nothing He would have us do that we cannot accomplish. We are truly powerful.

It is truly humbling to my heart to think that I have a portion of who He is within me, especially when I see my weaknesses and know that I have so far to go. The beauty is…He sees this all too and offers His strength freely. Freely.

How thankful I am for the beautiful reminder that penetrated my heart.

I am His.

I am a daughter of God.

My Path

provisionalTomorrow is the beginning of the end. It is the final sprint before the goal is reached.

For years we have worked, as a family, to reach a common goal. We have spent many hours on and off the mat learning, refining, doubting, overcoming, falling and rising.

And here we are….

For the next 4 weeks we will train with a greater intensity to earn that which has transformed us. It has been one incredible journey.

My heart is full of anticipation for this. As I look back at who we all have become, and the path that has brought us to where we are, I see that even though our finish line looks the same…our paths have been completely different.

That is the beauty of this journey….it is different for each one of us.

The path I have traveled has shown me strengths and weaknesses, both physically and spiritually. There have been moments that, through discouragement and failure, I have wanted to walk away. These are not moments I am proud of, yet they are moments that defined my heart. As the tears threatened to roll down my face many times, I was given a choice in my heart…walk away or get up.

I got up.

There have been so many moments that I truly surprised myself by what I could do. When I would finally let go, trust myself and allow the knowledge that I had worked so hard to obtain come out…I would do things that were beyond me. The victories may have seemed small to anyone else, yet in my heart they were incredible.

Knowing that I can do things that were at first beyond my abilities has given me a greater appreciation for who I truly am. Understanding that there is more strength and knowledge within me than I realize has brought a new peace and power in my heart. I have seen it change my world.

My path has not been one of solitude, yet the lessons I have learned are my own. I am forever grateful for those who have taught me, seen within me greater things than what I could see, and pushed me to become more. They have changed me through their ability to guide, encourage and not give up. Black-belt

The beauty of this path is that it doesn’t end when I reach my goal, it continues as long as I will keep my feet on it.

 

The Triumphal Entry

Sunday was such a beautiful day. Palm Sunday. The day of the Savior’s Triumphal Entry into Jerusalem. A day of hope.

He Lives....lds.orgAs I sat listening to a powerful testimony borne of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, I reflected on who He is to me and what He does for me every day.

It wasn’t 20 minutes earlier during my walk to church that I was fighting a battle within my heart. I was so ready to be done with everything that has been challenging our little family and I simply wanted some repose. I had feelings of frustration, anger, sadness and impatience boiling in my soul (not really the peaceful, spirit-inviting attitude…but it was what I had). I prayed with each step I took towards the church that I would be stronger than these feelings, that I would be able to find my Savior that day, that I would be at peace with everything.

As I fought for these answers to my prayers, I found myself hoping that He would hear me. I found myself fighting for the submissiveness that invites Him into our hearts. I found myself wanting Him to know that I needed Him to carry those burdens that had become too heavy.

I fought silently.

And then it came….

Peace. Hope. A Triumphal Entry.

The miracle of Palm Sunday became so real in my heart. All of the turmoil left. It was gone. He heard me and fought my battle with me….we won.

“Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you:  not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” ~John 14:27

His peace is a miracle, it is powerful and all encompassing. He has promised that if we need, He will carry our burdens, fight our battles and lift us. His promises are always fulfilled. He is real. I know He lives.

 

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