It is all about the journey….

Archive for January, 2016

Clarity

Have you ever had a moment, so random or minute in nature, that brought more clarity than you could have imagined? These moments are treasures indeed.

clarityLast night I was blessed to find one of these little nuggets of treasure.

I have a good friend, one that I have grown to respect and value in the short time I have known her. To me, she is a powerhouse of determination, strength, humility, all wrapped up in an incredible person. The times I have been able to spend with her, I have left feeling so good both physically and mentally.

As we were chatting about life, my returning to school came up. Last summer, I felt strongly that I should finish my Bachelor’s of Science degree. I couldn’t explain the whys, just the power of the push to get it done. After much pondering and prayer, I found a degree that I would enjoy working in, because to me if I am going to spend that much amount of time I had better love what I am studying. After a bit of ‘fun’ trial and error, I found a school that would work with me as a mom (which is a full-time job 🙂 ). I settled into my Health and Wellness degree.

It has been a wonderful, difficult, challenging journey. I have learned so much in regards to nutrition, holistic healing, wellness living and exercise design. These are topics that I have always naturally loved, so increasing my knowledge therein has been fantastic.

Back to the conversation with my friend…

With a cute little smile on her face, she asked me what I want to be when I ‘grow up’.

My response: A mom. That is it. A mom. To which she completely agreed (by the way she is an amazing mom).

In that brief response came the treasure of clarity….I want to be a mom. I want to be there for my kids when they walk in the door from school. I want to cook dinner, do laundry, clean, all of the wonderful things that show we live. Mostly I want to be the one they chat with, counsel with, cry with and laugh with. They are two of the most amazing human beings I have ever met, and I want to get the most out of my time with them.

This nugget has come after many years of wondering if I was doing the right thing by staying home for them. I had always planned on working, and when things are tight, I definitely want to help. However, each time I thought about going back to work, I truly felt like vomiting. I took that as a sign from Heavenly Father that I was not supposed to (He has to be quite strong and physical with me at times). So, in that moment, He blessed me with a deeper understanding of my purpose right now.

I am truly grateful for the ‘small and simple things’ that bring deep understanding and peace.

Life is to be lived with purpose, fighting that purpose brings frustration and sadness. Embracing our purpose brings clarity and peace. How beautiful the gift.

Changing Direction

These past few weeks have been a veritable roller-coaster of emotions, thoughts, ideas and internal fighting. As taxing as the struggle can be, it is necessary for growth and definition.

Changing DirectionI love quiet moments to ponder, talk to Heavenly Father and simply be. I have found in these moments more inspiration and direction than anywhere else. These educational moments continually teach me about myself and the path that I am currently on.

Recently I read a book that rocked my world. Secrets of the Millionaire Mind by T. Harv Eker is the cause much of the roller-coaster I have been riding. I will be honest, most of what was the catalyst of the explosion of thoughts had nothing to do with becoming a millionaire, but more to do with the qualities and thought processes of people who are successful and live life to the fullest. I began to see how scarcity had become the ruling thought in my mind, which in turn became how I viewed the world.

As I have thought about where my mind had been living, I began to realize that life will never be lived to the fullest when scarcity rules our thoughts. God created a world of abundance. It is not difficult to see how much we have been given, however if we only focus on the path at our feet, we will miss all of it. When we are always looking down we miss the greatness of everything around us.

I made a decision that I do not want to live in scarcity any more.

To make a change like this, I needed to face what was holding me back, to understand it, to overcome. I am blessed to know a great guide (my husband) who is skilled at walking people through challenges such as this. In order to face scarcity I had to realize that I had become bound by fear, uncertainty, overwhelm, and darkness. Breaking through these bindings was challenging at best, but worth it as I now had the strength to let go of scarcity.

As Kevin talked me through all of this he pointed out that abundance is the weapon to fight off and hold back scarcity. It is the abundance of knowing I have never, ever been without what I need. I have always been able to do what is necessary to take care of my family and those I need to help. It is the abundance of knowing that Heavenly Father is in control and will lead me (sometimes pull me) to where He needs me to go. And right now He needs me to change direction.

There is a difference between change and changing direction. As we are presented with a new opportunity to move down a new path, one that will create newness of strength, courage and skill, we have the gift to choose whether or not we take that first step. Moving down new paths is our change of direction. The change within us comes as we take in this new path, noticing the differences in feelings, sights, thoughts and actions. Each step is a choice to continue. Each step is a demonstration of trust and courage.

As I have taken a few tentative steps down this new path, I have been able to see a few things for what they truly are…and it is liberating. Ideas that I have held onto that I have not been able to realize are now understood and filed where they need to be. For a long time I thought I wanted to have a business building/creating things… It was hard for me to grasp why this idea never had enough strength to pull me through the initial phases. Now I understand that I love to build/create for the pure love of it…not to sell, just to give. I can now leave that business path behind and move onto something else. I am not sure what that is yet, I am still seeking. Yet, I know I will be led….

Seeking

Have you ever felt like you were destined to something more? Have you ever felt deep in your heart there is something greater you are meant to do? Have you ever felt lost, not knowing where to begin looking?

SeekingThis is where I have found myself over the past few years.

I have learned that it is very healthy to ask questions, especially when knowledge is needed but not readily available. So this is where I find myself at this time….

I remember coming out of high school I had my life pretty much mapped out…college, degree, professional career, marriage and family. It looked good on paper.

Then Heavenly Father stepped in with His plan.

His plan included a mission (wearing dresses every day:) ), marriage, PTA training, and staying home with our two amazing children. I have not regretted leaving my field of work to be with our kids. I felt early on in motherhood (with the help of my husband) that it was much more important for these two spirits that I am home for them than it was for me to work.

Yesterday as I was taking care of my daily chores I began to reflect on some things personal things I have been taught by the Spirit. I wondered how they would come about, especially with where I am at in life. I so wanted to see a glimpse of things to come, however I know it is not to be.

Then the quiet whispering came again…”I need more from you. You are meant to do so much more.”

It was unmistakably from the Spirit, because of the feelings of peace that accompanied it. Yet, I do not know what to do. I do not know where to even begin looking. I have no idea what I have to offer that He would need. Who am I and what can I do? is the question that has been occupying a good portion of my mind.

I realize my next step in life is greatly determined by how I look at the path before me. I have the choice to embrace the unknown and step in, knowing He will find me there. Or. I have the choice to sit back and wait for any light to keep me safe stepping into the unknown. Or. I have the choice to not even move.

Choice 3 is not an option, because there is no happiness in stagnation.

Choice 2 sounds safe, however I truly feel like I would miss what I am supposed to learn if I wait.

Choice 1 is a bit terrifying, because I have no idea what lies ahead. BUT it is the choice of greatest growth and therein lies joy and happiness, life and energy, learning and growth.

So I seek….for what I need to do now….for who I need to become….for Him.

It is only in the darkness of the unknown that I will find the answers to the questions in my heart.

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