It is all about the journey….

Archive for the ‘purpose’ Category

The Blessing of Change

I have found there is nothing more constant in life than change. It is the essence of life that brings with it growth, sometimes pain, and most often renewal. I find that when I fear change, I push against the very power that would create within me who I am meant to be.

This week has brought a fair amount of change, and therefore growth. The Blessing of Change

I am in the final terms of my Bachelor’s Degree in Health and Wellness. It has been a very fulfilling journey for me. My schedule for my last terms has required me to take an extra class, bringing with it a little bit extra work. I have been so blessed with a very supportive family, who gives me the time I need to accomplish all that I need to get done. Starting a new term with more to do has brought a little bit more of a load.

A few weeks ago I felt that Heavenly Father needed more from me and I questioned what would He have me do? The answer came in a random conversation with my husband about creating a website to challenge him in developing his own website (he likes competition, because it pushes him). He jumped on the idea that this is something I should do, not for the competition, but for me. His encouragement gave me the push I needed and, so this part of my life is beginning. I am excited and very overwhelmed by this, even with the extra load it has brought.

–Sidenote–the sunset here is gorgeous tonight! I love the pictures Heavenly Father paints for us!

This week also has been filled with many faith based decisions. Daily, we have been required to do things that require hope for things to come, because immediate needs seemed to be unresolved. The weight was heavy, however nothing that was too burdensome. I truly felt help surrounding me, even though I could not see it. Each day prayers were offered, hope kindled and we moved forward as best as we could.

Then yesterday came….

All week the doubts and fears had been circling my heart and in my mind, however I was able to keep them at bay. Living purposefully allowed me to have the strength to keep them from overtaking me. And then I did something unintentionally that hurt someone I truly love and the beautiful armor I had been wearing began to fail. It was as though a dam had sprung a leak, which quickly turned into a raging flood. Those doubts and fears took notice of this chink in my armor and moved in for the kill.

I gave in.

I allowed them to tell me lies and take hold of my heart, overwhelming my spirit with their darkness. It was my choice and my choice alone. I am not proud of this choice by any means.

After spending some time in isolation, sitting in the darkness that had overtaken me, praying for help, I was found by my loving family. They reached down into my heart and pulled me from this desolate place. They are truly a gift from God to me.

This morning I made a choice.

I chose to move forward again. I chose to call upon the Atonement of my Savior to change my heart through forgiveness and the enabling power only it can bring. I chose to smile and remember that I am bigger than any problem or challenge I am faced with. I chose to embrace the day and everything it held for me.

The beauty of the Atonement is change. I learned this again today.

Because He came, I can change. Because He came I can repent and forgive myself. Because He came I can smile. Because He came I can live with my blessed family forever. Because He came I am renewed. Because He came I can have a deep relationship with my Heavenly Father and call upon Him when I fall. Because He came I don’t have to live in darkness (even when in weak moments I choose it). Because He came I know love.

That is the blessing of change I came to know.

Clarity

Have you ever had a moment, so random or minute in nature, that brought more clarity than you could have imagined? These moments are treasures indeed.

clarityLast night I was blessed to find one of these little nuggets of treasure.

I have a good friend, one that I have grown to respect and value in the short time I have known her. To me, she is a powerhouse of determination, strength, humility, all wrapped up in an incredible person. The times I have been able to spend with her, I have left feeling so good both physically and mentally.

As we were chatting about life, my returning to school came up. Last summer, I felt strongly that I should finish my Bachelor’s of Science degree. I couldn’t explain the whys, just the power of the push to get it done. After much pondering and prayer, I found a degree that I would enjoy working in, because to me if I am going to spend that much amount of time I had better love what I am studying. After a bit of ‘fun’ trial and error, I found a school that would work with me as a mom (which is a full-time job 🙂 ). I settled into my Health and Wellness degree.

It has been a wonderful, difficult, challenging journey. I have learned so much in regards to nutrition, holistic healing, wellness living and exercise design. These are topics that I have always naturally loved, so increasing my knowledge therein has been fantastic.

Back to the conversation with my friend…

With a cute little smile on her face, she asked me what I want to be when I ‘grow up’.

My response: A mom. That is it. A mom. To which she completely agreed (by the way she is an amazing mom).

In that brief response came the treasure of clarity….I want to be a mom. I want to be there for my kids when they walk in the door from school. I want to cook dinner, do laundry, clean, all of the wonderful things that show we live. Mostly I want to be the one they chat with, counsel with, cry with and laugh with. They are two of the most amazing human beings I have ever met, and I want to get the most out of my time with them.

This nugget has come after many years of wondering if I was doing the right thing by staying home for them. I had always planned on working, and when things are tight, I definitely want to help. However, each time I thought about going back to work, I truly felt like vomiting. I took that as a sign from Heavenly Father that I was not supposed to (He has to be quite strong and physical with me at times). So, in that moment, He blessed me with a deeper understanding of my purpose right now.

I am truly grateful for the ‘small and simple things’ that bring deep understanding and peace.

Life is to be lived with purpose, fighting that purpose brings frustration and sadness. Embracing our purpose brings clarity and peace. How beautiful the gift.

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