It is all about the journey….

Archive for the ‘Songs In My Soul’ Category

The Pit

Not really sure how it came to be tonight. An unsettling feeling has descended upon my heart and has decided to take up residence in the bottom of my stomach. I would love for it to be hunger pangs, then I could happily feed them and settle in. No such luck.The Pit

I honestly like to understand the meanings behind the emotions that I feel, then I can confront them and overcome. However when they are insidious, it is difficult to find the battle ground.

So tonight I seek the battle ground through writing…

Some days are just not the best. It doesn’t matter what you do or how hard you work, things don’t ever seem to fall into place. Then one mistake after another compounds on your heart and, soon enough, you are swimming in waves that continually push you under. It is also like a little virus that spreads throughout the family, pulling each one down in its path.

There you have it….

I have to wonder if it is not a little bit of opposition that seems to come up when life is beginning to shift? Tomorrow marks a day that we have been waiting for, a day that we have been prepared for. I haven’t really thought a lot about details in what will happen, which may explain this pit. I have learned when I push things down they always surface carrying with them a myriad of unpleasant emotions.

A few months ago I woke up to this song by Casting Crowns playing in my mind. I have learned that when I wake up and there is music in my mind I need to pay attention to the playlist. There is always purpose to the song. Sometimes there is something I will be dealing with during that day that will require the lyrics to pull me through. Sometimes it is the weight I carry in my heart when I lay down at night and the song is there to lift me. This morning was one such song…

Just Be Held.

There is a line in the song that played over and over in my mind throughout the day:

“Your world’s not falling apart…It’s falling into place.”

It was pretty powerful that day, because it felt like our world was falling apart. Nothing we were doing to climb out of the pit we felt we were in was working, in fact it all seemed to be blowing up before our eyes. It didn’t matter how many times we knelt in prayer, pleading for answers or relief…the answers we wanted were not there.

The answer He knew we needed was.

Our world needed to fall apart to fall into place.

As we began picking up the pieces, we found the ones that were truly beautiful, the ones that worked and kept them. We discarded the ones that did not hold any value in our lives.

With the pieces we kept, we have started to create something new, powerful and a little scary. There are moments in life that define you. Our choice is which definition we choose.

So tonight the pit represents letting go of the pieces that were simply wrong. It is a little frightening, because they were a part of me and it can be difficult to let go. The unknown is both scary and exhilarating at the same time.

I will simply let go and just be held by Him who is in control of it all….

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He Knows

He KnowsLife is such right now that I have been pondering the role of Jesus Christ in my life. As I have thought on Him, I have had a song playing in my mind….’He Knows’ by Jeremy Camp.

How I love my Savior!

There are so many small evidences of His love, so many times I know He knows my name and my heart. It is in these moments that I have a small glimpse of what He did for me. My heart feels that deep, enduring love.

For quite some time we have been carrying a load that has felt like more than we can hold up. We have had moments when the load is lightened, and more moments when we have been given even more. It has felt like our knees would buckle under the pressure. In our hearts and in our minds there have been many moments we could not make sense of anything, let alone add one more puzzle to figure out.

At times I have struggled with feelings of inadequacy, weakness, anger and frustration. These feelings have done nothing to bring me the strength and peace my soul craves.

Each time I have arrived at our breaking point, I have felt of His love and the enabling power offered through the Atonement. Healing has come into my heart and taken all of the feelings that keep me from moving forward.

Grace is beautiful!

I am confident in saying that this time in our lives is, and will always be sacred, because we have seen Him reach down and lift us time and time again. I have spent days in prayer asking for guidance, because I don’t know what to do, how to do it, and what to say. Every time I have spoken these pleas out loud or in my heart, I have known deep down that Heavenly Father hears and through Him my answers come.

The peace I have felt in my heart today has been quiet, but real. It can only come from One who knows.

Someday

DSCN1527I woke up to this song playing in my mind… Someday by Disciple. It has been there off and on for a few weeks now. I have found a lot of solace and strength in the words of this song.

As I work through moments of uncertainty I see that this is all a temporary state in our lives. It is a time for learning, growing and showing what I am made of. I have moments when I feel like I am made of weaker materials. And at a certain level this is true. However, at the core, I have strength my body will never understand in this life.

I love the line in the song that says, “Someday we will rise above the pain of this world.” The word ‘rise’ is powerful in my heart. It shows me  that I am on a journey that will always require me to lift myself up to become better. As I listen to this song I imagine myself holding onto a rope, pulling myself up out of a sea of hands that would bring me down at the first possible chance. As i pull on this rope of salvation with everything I have, I am looking up.

There are times when my hands are burning, my arms have no more strength to give and I feel the downward pull. The voices of those who would pull me down become louder and I feel my heart beginning to believe the lies they are telling me…lies of weakness, doubt, selfishness and so forth. As I struggle to maintain my upward gaze, I realize that there are those who are on the other side of the spectrum. Those who would have me climb. They know that it is only in the climb that I will gain the strength I need to arrive. I am grateful for those hands that lift.

Honestly I love the days when the climb is easier. They are days of recovery. Sometimes they come in large numbers, however recently they have been few and far between. Yet, I would not embrace these days if I didn’t have to struggle. I would not be as grateful for the light in my life if I didn’t have to climb out of the darkness. How grateful I am that there is a light to reach for, even if it feels distant.

Rope burns, fatigue and all…it is worth the climb.

Glimpse in His Heart

file000851124342This morning was completely amazing! After an amazing workout with a wonderful friend, we sat and visited for a few moments. During our conversation there were moments when I would feel I should say something and then there were things I felt I should not. On my way home, I pondered our conversation and I realized something beautiful….He is there. (more…)

Brave Enough

file0001410056452I am always in awe when a song can capture exactly what my heart feels. It is always incredible when the emotion, lyrics and music of the song create a moment within me that allows a special release of what is inside. The power of song is truly amazing.

Hold Me Now‘ by Red is one of the most emotional songs I have ever experienced. As I listen to his raw voice singing, I realize that this song is one that has come from his soul. His description of falling, fear, and holding on creates the imagery of someone doing their best to stay strong in spite of life requiring more than they feel they have to give. (more…)

The River

file0001978463429Tonight as I was kissing my sweet girl goodnight, I turned on her sleep music. It is a spiritual playlist. It creates a wonderful feeling in her room as she is falling into that wonderful world of sleep. One of my favorite songs came on, The River by Meredith Andrews. She has a beautiful voice that enables this message to travel to my soul. (more…)

Hold On To The Promises

Today just feels different. Some mornings come and they bring hope with them. file0002072402222

Nothing happened to change anything, just the dawn.

Promises is a song by Sanctus Real that has been playing on my brain MP3 player for weeks. It has been in the background trying to teach me something. Today I took the time to listen. (more…)

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