This morning was not a stellar faith morning for me. In fact this morning exposed aspects of my faith that truly need to be strengthened.
It all started out great. Got up with my son to help him get ready for the early morning shoot around that they have on game days. I love to iron his shirt, make sure his uniform is ready and get his lunch made. It is honestly a blessing that I am home to do this.
The breakdown of faith came when his ride didn’t show up…for a long time.
Unfortunately my truck is having some issues and there was nothing I could do to get him there. I truly felt helpless.
Backing up to last night as I was working on getting him a ride, I felt in my heart that it would all be okay and that she would be here for him. With that peace, I was able to sleep.
So when it was time for him to be there and he is still on the couch looking at me desperately to get him to the gym, my mind panicked. I wanted so desperately for a miracle to come and the truck to magically start. Not today. I wanted to do anything I could to get him there, but I felt so powerless.
The memory of the peace I felt last night struggled to find footing in my mind to calm me, however I would not listen. Doubt creates a very unfertile field in our minds and hearts, chasing out any seeds of strength, peace or calm.
When his ride came, I felt a little whisper remind me that I knew she would come. Gratitude washed over my heart, followed quickly by a heavy heart.
How many times have I done this very thing? How many times have I had His promises that everything would be okay and yet, I fear, worry and doubt? How many times has He shown me that He is in control when life is not?
And still I doubt, because I want to be able to have the power to take action. I want to have control (at least some semblance of it) over life.
Yet, at the end of the day it is all about leaving my fear, doubt and worry at His feet, trusting that it will all work out.
Because it always does.
One day this aspect of my human nature will have conquered. One day this weakness will be a strength. One day.
Until then it is up to me to do my best, repent when I falter and look to Him to move forward.
Somedays my best is pretty good. Others? Well let’s just say today is that day and I have some work to do.