It is all about the journey….

Posts tagged ‘love’

The Big Plan

The Big PlanSometimes the first sentence of a post is the most difficult. To me it is the door to the room of all that I have in my heart to share. Opening this door can be a little challenging, especially when I want the words to be just right.

As I work at opening the door tonight, I feel like it is a big room waiting on the other side. There is so much to share and I wonder if the reasons I am struggling with this door are that words cannot do what I have felt justice. Yet, turn the knob I will…

I have thought a lot about how limited my vision of life truly is. My spirit desires to see the big picture, to know the results and understand what I am learning at the time. Honestly there are times when I just want to see the end of the path I am on to know it is worth it to stay there. Yet, more often than not, I simply want to see how things truly are working from Heavenly Father’s point of view.

Our paths are unique to us. Our victories, agonies, ups, downs, twists and turns are all tailored to our growth. Adversity is something that is given to us to allow us to see what is truly important. We may not see or understand in the moment, however as we ask and turn our vision to Him, we see that those things that may have been taken or thrust upon us are the very things we did or did not need.

Our moments of agony and trial are opportunities for us to see how He truly works in our lives. I have learned in my moments of agony and dispair that the enabling power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ is the only way my heart can make it. I have been given moments to let go of pride and receive offerings of help that are beautiful evidences of someone listening to the whisperings of the Holy Ghost. I know that these offerings come from heaven, because of how specific they are…how incredibly detailed they are in conjunction to the prayers I have offered out loud and in my heart.

As much as I want to see more, I am truly grateful for the slivers of understanding that come when I turn my eyes to Them and I am allowed to see things as they truly are. The beauty of the Big Plan is that I am not going to see everything all at once. The beauty is I get to see it unfold a little at a time and see the miracles and gifts that will come from those that knew me before I came…who know me now….and know who I am meant to be.

Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are kind. I love Them.

Advertisements

He Is

As I sat down to journal some of the things that have happened and are continuing to unfold in our lives right now, I found it difficult to express all that I feel. It is sometimes next to impossible to put into words the intricate ways that Heavenly Father is molding and changing me.

This process has not been painless by any means, yet I have learned how much He is there in my life. My eyes are starting to ‘see’ things that I never would have looked for…evidences of His hand in my life.

He IsI have learned….

He is there.

He is patient as He allows me to struggle with letting go and trusting Him.

He is quiet as He guides my heart, showing it the way to tenderly love, serve and receive.

He is in the details. I am in awe of the way His hand weaves the answers to my prayers through acts of service, thoughts and the words of prophets.

He is strong when I am weak. He knows how strong I am, even if I don’t yet see it.

He knows the depth of my heart and has shown me places therein that I never would have seen without wandering in the darkness for a time.

He is constant. His love is always there.

He is always listening to my prayers, spoken or not. He hears my heart.

There have been times I have felt like He has withdrawn. I have come to understand that there are times when we need to stand on our own and know for ourselves if we will always choose Him.

He has offered me a chance to become something far greater than what I ever could have imagined on my own. He has allowed the struggle to define this in my soul. He has given me the moments, experiences and time to grow.

And so it is…I am learning more about who He is and in the process I am learning about who I am.

He is my Heavenly Father and I am His daughter.

Relying On Him

file3561240620254A couple of days ago I read a scripture that embedded itself into my heart. It wasn’t the entire verse even, just one word that simply seared itself into my soul.

“Wherefore, all mankind were in a lost and in a fallen state, and ever would be save they should rely on this Redeemer.” (1 Nephi 10:6)

Rely.

Often times Heavenly Father will give me an answer to a question that has not been asked. These answers come just like this one did…one word or phrase from the scriptures, prophets, my husband, parents, children, friends or even a stranger. These words stick in my heart, which is right where they need to be when the question comes.

This morning was the culmination of many things I had been battling in my heart. Emptiness has been a constant companion for years and it has been quite pushy for the past month. It is difficult for me to describe what it feels like, however it brings with it a sensation of a black hole in my mind. It comes and goes, but lately it had decided to stay.

As I pondered how I felt this morning my heart asked the question, “Will I ever be free from this demon that is constantly pulling me down?” “Will I ever finally overcome?” There was a small part of me that screamed, “yes”, however there was more of the natural part of me that wanted to give into the despair of hopelessness.

I turned to my husband for help. He is my healer in every sense of the word. Using the incredible skills he has, he took me on a difficult, but incredible journey.

I have always felt that the demons I personally struggle with are ones that know me at such a deep level. It is in this that they know where to go and how to pick at me. I usually attempt to defend myself by becoming angry with them and kicking them out so to speak. This tactic has worked, but only temporarily.

Today as I journeyed on this path to deal with ‘emptiness’ I found out how deeply rooted it has been in my heart. It did not want to leave my heart at all. As I battled to get rid of it, it took every ounce of strength that I had to pull it out. When I finally was able to separate it from me, I asked the questions again…

Rely.

As I caught on this word that had been in my heart for a few days I found a greater sense of light and understanding. I learned that the only way I will ever be free from these demons is through a constant reliance on my Savior. In order to be free I need to treat them as He would, with love and forgiveness.

His love is pure and all-encompassing, yet He does not own the characteristics of those He loves. Because He understands who He is, He can love from His soul, no strings attached. We are required to love all…even those who would destroy us. I never understood how to do this, however He does and has begun to teach me.

As I began to understand this love I was able to let go of emptiness and find within my heart what truly makes me happy. It is different for each one of us, however I know that deep within all of us there is a gift that we are given that brings us true happiness.

Rely.

He is amazing.

reblogged from ownwhoyouare.com

Daddy’s Girl

DSCN1063There is something very special about being the only girl in my family. I have one of the best relationships with my Daddy. Even though I am close to forty years old, I still call him Daddy, because I am still his little girl.

Today I just wanted to share a little about the man I have been blessed to live with, learn from, be protected by and loved by. We have been able to spend some fantastic time this summer doing what I like to call ‘prison work’ in his backyard. We are basically moving dirt and rocks from one area to another and back again. He is re-landscaping his yard. As we have worked together we have had the time to quietly chat, just he and I. These are moments I treasure.

This is how it has been throughout my life. He was very gifted at working on our cars whenever they would break. I remember sitting at his side as he would tear apart our 1972 orange GMC truck. He would explain why things worked the way they did and let me see how he put it all back together when he had fixed the problem. We would quietly chat about things that were safe for a teenage girl to talk to her father about.

Looking back at these times in my life, I see that he was teaching me how to solve problems. He was showing me how to break things down and find what was not working right. He taught me how to live in a way that I could take care of myself, as long as I had him to watch over me. He blessed me with a deep understanding that there are times when you need to walk away, think and come back with a solution that was given to you from the Spirit.

I have watched this giant of a man take care of my mom each and every time she has had surgery (there have been over 30). I watched him give up his work in order to be there for his aged mother as she prepared to leave this life. He and my mom would take time each and every night to go to where she was staying, dress her, tuck her in and pray with her. I have watch him drop everything he was doing to be there for me and my brothers any time we would call (and sometimes when he just felt like we needed him). I have seen him sacrifice anything and everything so that those around him could have what they needed.

The tools he has given me have blessed my life every day. From him I have learned to care for those I love, make life for those around me a little better and strength that goes beyond anything physical.

I will never forget the day I was married. As I was sealed to my husband, I looked over at him. The man who had raised, protected and loved me for over 20 years. I noticed the tears streaming down his face. I knew right then that it would all be different, but I would forever be my Daddy’s little girl.

He is my hero. He is one of the greatest blessings I have in my life.

 

Coming Home

TITP2012 015Yesterday was the first official day of summer vacation for the kids. They have been counting down for at least 3 weeks…not for the last day of school, but for the first day of our volunteering. Every day it was one step closer to their favorite summer activity.

The kids and I spend the summer volunteering at a living museum called This Is The Place. It is an amazing place to spend one day a week. It is a village that represents the pioneer history of Utah. For a kid, it is a magical place to do everything they want to do…ride horses, climb fences ride trains, play in the dirt and mud, make arrowhead necklaces, pan for ‘gold’ and sing with talented, amazing people (there is a lot more that they do). For me it is a place where my kids are unplugged, happy and safe. (more…)

Answers Come

file000641377093I love the quiet of the morning. It is the time when my mind and heart are reflecting upon the opportunities that lie before me that day. I have noticed that everything is still relaxed within my body and soul. I usually have some of the best conversations with Heavenly Father during this time of day.

I am going to be honest, lately I have felt that my relationship with Him has not been the closest. It is as if the conduit to Him within my heart has been closed. This has been a struggle for me. I crave my interactions with Him. So, like many others before me I began to think that there was something that I had done to close this door to heaven. I did a self check and began to notice every little thing that I thought would be cause of this. My Spirit was sad and missed Him so much. (more…)

Small Strengths

jun6th2011_032Do you ever have days when everything is just plain difficult? Days when thinking is a chore, doing anything is an obstacle and accomplishing anything is a feat in and of itself. Today is that day for me. I am grateful today that Heavenly Father made my body to breathe and function at a base level on its own. (more…)

Tag Cloud