It is all about the journey….

Posts tagged ‘questions’

Beyond My Reach

There are times in my life as a wife and mother… I do not have the answers. These times leave such an emptiness in my heart, because it is my nature to heal.

lookupOver the past week I have been asked some pretty difficult questions by each member of my sweet family. These questions have come after a lot of prodding, quietness, more prodding and more quietness. I get it, I am not so good at sharing my deepest thoughts either.

I think it is the pleading in their eyes that sinks into my soul. The pleading that says, “I can’t do this anymore…I don’t know the answers….I need you to answer.”

The emptiness that comes over my heart is so quiet and heavy when their questions are beyond my reach. My heart wants so badly to have the answers, say the magic words that are so often scripted for others, or have the ability to simply heal their hearts with my arms wrapped around them.

Yet, it is not meant to be…..

Today was particularly difficult, because one of my children was hurting at a deep level. It is something that has been lying under the surface for a couple of years, and today the wound opened just enough to expose the rawness of pain. I sat and prodded, waited and listened as the hurt came out. It was not anything silly or dumb…it was real. I simply did not know what to say…words seemed completely useless.

I began to pray in my heart….”Please give me the words. Please let me know what to say to help. Please.”

None came….again this was beyond my reach.

I did the only thing I could think of….I knelt in prayer with my child. I prayed for the words to speak so that this one would know that there is someone watching over them. As I spoke the words of my prayer, they really didn’t seem to flow as easily as I would have hoped, but they were not really mine. I felt the love of a Heavenly Father who knows that this child is deeply hurting. I felt the knowledge that He is watching over and has a greater plan than what we can see today. I felt like it would all be okay….even if not how I thought it could work out.

In that sweet moment, I learned (again) that when their hurts and questions are beyond my reach, I know where to look for help.

Thanks be to my Savior for giving me the gift of prayer, so I can communicate with my Father.

 

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Ready to Hear

Ready to HearSome time ago I had an experience that taught my heart many lessons. It came at a time when I had been searching for answers and ways to move forward.

We had been looking for a new ‘where’ in our lives. It felt like it was time to move on, yet we didn’t know how or where to go. A feeling of being stuck pervaded my heart and my greatest desire was to break away from it and everything around me. I thought that a new ‘where’ would be the answer, because sometimes new beginnings allow us to renew.

One day we happened to be visiting family in a beautiful valley. The mountains surrounding this valley were covered with freshly fallen snow, the air was crisp and clear and the feelings of peace were tangible to my heart. I fell in love with that place and everything I felt in that moment…so did my little family.

As I pondered this new ‘where’ I found many answers and ideas flooding into my heart and mind. A possible position for my husband came to mind, a way to start a business that I have been thinking about opened up and the possibilities for our children seemed amazing.

It truly felt good.

However as life moved forward, it didn’t move forward in that direction.

I couldn’t understand and my heart began to panic. I wanted this all so badly and everything about it felt good and right, so why wasn’t it working? I went through the normal questions….was I not worthy of a blessing like this? did I do something wrong? were these all my thoughts, not inspiration?…on and on it went.

I realized that these questions were not doing anything for my spirit. My prayers were an echo of these questions, an echo that is not ready to receive.

As I thought about my questions, I realized that, although I had been asking, I was not ready to receive His answer. I only wanted my answer, my way, my path.

It took a little bit of time for me to get to the point where I would be ready for His answer, not mine.

So I prayed…for His answer.

I explained everything I had felt and thought. I explained why I wanted this ‘where’. Then I asked, “Is it what Thou needs us to do? Is it where we need to be?”

The feeling of peace that came over my heart was so powerful. It was not a yes, no or this is what I need. It was, “Be still. I’ve got this. You are being taken care of.”

I learned that it is okay to search our paths with our minds and hearts. I learned that sometimes we walk down a path for a little while and find it to be a dead end…only to realize that is not where we need to go. I learned that while we are on this ‘wrong’ path there are other things that open up in our hearts that we never would have searched for.

Mostly I learned that when my heart is ready, He will answer with unmistakable peace and clarity.

Looking, Seeing, Believing

file9751272655027It is a new day. I love the potential and promise of a new day. There is so much to accomplish in these hours we have been given. Moving forward each day is an opportunity to become more than what we are when we wake up. (more…)

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