Tonight I was given one of the sweetest gifts…it came from one of the best I have ever known. What could be thought of as ‘no big deal’ was a miracle in my heart.
Let me back up….
This week has been one of the heaviest I have carried since our whirlwind move a few months ago. Returning to school has been a leap of faith for all of us, because of the sacrifices it requires. I truly felt like I was just a being living in our home…not a mom, wife, daughter, friend, or anything really…just a being tied to a computer and a notebook. I seriously lived minute to minute, assignment to assignment, test to test.
Through it all our son had a major basketball tournament, we were able to help out my brother by taking his daughter (win-win situation for our daughter) and all of the daily things that life entails.
Today was the last test I needed to take for the week…I wanted so badly to do really well, however it seemed like everything was running together and smashing up in my brain. There was nothing left for me to do but take the test. I held my breath as the score was being generated, and when I saw it my heart fell. My score was not a reflection of the knowledge I have worked so hard to acquire….
As I walked out of the testing center my heart turned to prayer and my eyes filled with tears. It seemed as though the delicate balance I had worked so hard to maintain all week was toppled and everything crashed down. It was a long ride home….
Walking into our front room my sweet husband took one look at me and knew…knew that life had crashed. He is such a gift to me…a balm to my heart when it is broken. Truly in a situation like this, there are rarely the right words to speak, yet he found them.
He has the innate ability to calm my heart, lift my eyes and bring peace to my soul when there seems no peace to be found.
With still more to do, I felt the tug of my babies needing a mom. I listened as they told me how much they have missed me and how hard it is sometimes now that I am in school. I cried with my daughter as she asked if we could have some ‘just us’ time. I listened to my son as he expressed his fatigue and need for help in overcoming the ‘silly thoughts’ that plague him when he is tired. It was difficulty magic…if you can say that.
I wanted so badly to help my husband with one of the last things to get done for the day, yet he asked me to finish my last thing…prepare a lesson for tomorrow. I felt so empty. How could I even begin to find what I needed to share with these girls I have been called to serve? How could I even share with them, when I had nothing left?
As I prayed for help and relief, my eyes were directed to the kitchen….there stood my husband, quietly doing the dishes….so I wouldn’t have to. It touched my heart so deeply that he would do this for me, that he would lift my burden. He is a gift to my heart, my life and my soul. He is my rock. I am so grateful to be his.