It is all about the journey….

Posts tagged ‘scriptures’

Strength

There is a verse of scripture in the Book of Mormon that has provided comfort and confusion to my heart and mind:

And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them. ” ~Ether 12:27

StrengthI know there have been so many times that I have felt the pure weakness that comes from a mortal body doing its best to live a spiritual life. In these moments I have felt frustration, thinking that there has to be a way that I can feel stronger, more powerful.

But what if what I think should be stronger and more powerful is not what Jesus Christ knows to be strength and power?

This past month has been wrought with trials, both personal and family based. It is as though any weakness or wound I have ever struggled with was opened up and shown in vivid detail. If it was not one thing, it was another. Days became very long and some nights were endless. I have spent a lot of time in prayer seeking understanding.

As I thought about all of this in regards to the scripture from Ether, I found answers…

Sometimes strength is simply standing up when the world is pressing upon us. Sometimes strength is looking up to Heaven when our hearts and minds are so heavy. Sometimes strength is listening to the quiet whisperings of the Holy Ghost telling us that we are good enough. Sometimes strength is hearing with our heart and mind the compliments and support of those who are there to help. Sometimes strength is dropping to our knees seeking understanding when the path before us has turned dark. Sometimes strength is simply taking a deep breath and saying, “I’ve got this” then taking one more step. Sometimes strength is opening the scriptures when our mind is groping blindly in the world around us. And sometimes strength is sitting quietly when the storm is raging around us.

I always thought I would feel more powerful when the grace of Jesus Christ made up the difference in my lacking.

What I learned is….peace is the strength that comes from our Savior. Peace of knowing that He has not left us alone in any storm we are called upon to weather. I can be strong.

His Peace

DSCN2306The quiet of the morning is my favorite time of day. I love to sit on my front porch to read scriptures and drink in the newness of the day. I have found that this is when I find many answers to the questions that lie within my heart.

It never ceases to amaze me how the answers to unspoken questions come. I am often taken back by the stillness of the voice that speaks in my heart and mind. It has a way of answering these questions with truth and ideas that I know I could never have found on my own.

I have come to love these moments on the porch deeply. Our lives have been wrapped in overwhelming questions as of late. It has seemed that with each moment of clarity more questions have come up. It becomes quite overwhelming at times. Yet, the moments on the porch have given me the most clarity.

Today I woke up with a darkness that had settled in my heart and mind. It is not something I am unfamiliar with, yet today it was quite powerful. The darkness brought with it feelings of despair and hopelessness. I felt lost with nothing to offer. It was all I could do to utter a small prayer of gratitude for a new day (I am sure my heart was not fully in that one, but I did the best I could) and stumble out of the bedroom.

I am thankful for the power of ritual, because it gave me the strength to pick up my scriptures and head outside. The coolness of the morning cleared my heart a little and I found a little bit greater capacity to talk to my Heavenly Father. Again, it wasn’t an amazing prayer, but it was all I had.

I honestly don’t remember much of what I read, but I know it was what I needed to do to reconnect with Him.

As I finished and came inside, there was renewed desire to pray. The darkness continued to envelope my heart, but I felt like I had what I needed to share what was in there with Him. It is scary at times to really share with Him when my heart feels like it is wrapped in stone. I opened as much of it as I had strength for and spoke what I could and felt what I couldn’t.

Deep down I knew that the answer I desired was not going to be the answer I was going to receive. It is just the way it is right now. Yet, as I finished speaking to Him I felt something. Peace. It was manna to my soul. My mind was reminded of something Jesus Christ said to His disciples:

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.        John 14:27

DSCN2307Honestly, I do not know what the future holds for our little family, yet He gives His peace. It is truly the calm within the storm, the rock that strengthens our hearts to take one more step and the hope that there are greater things coming.

Today, His peace will keep the darkness from overtaking my heart.

I Can Take A Hit

SparringOne of the most incredible journeys I have ever embarked on started 3 years ago right before Mother’s Day. My family had been doing karate and I decided it was time I needed to join them. Stepping on the mat for the very first time was nothing short of intimidating. It was one of the most scary steps I have ever taken…and it was one of the best steps I have ever taken.

One of the disciplines we study in karate is sparring. I will be honest, it has not been my most favorite aspect. Yet, I have learned so much from this. A couple of weeks ago it was sparring training night. After suiting up in the foot pads, hand pads and headgear (definitely one of my finer looks I may say), I was ready to go.

I made a decision that night that I would just go for it. I let go of the dislike and trepidation that I feel when I am all padded up. As the night would have it I sparred against some younglings and finally against my 6’6″ husband and our instructor, who both are pretty incredible at sparring. Regardless to say, I took some pretty good hits (I would like to say I dealt some pretty good hits too).

Now, we don’t spar to kill each other. It is a discipline of control, speed, power and strategy. I did come away with some pretty trophies, but not the kind you put on a shelf. These trophies were black and blue… honestly my favorite kind.

The best trophy I received, however, came as a quiet thought that entered into my heart and mind.

KarateI can take a hit.

This knowledge is powerful. It tells me that I am strong, that I am capable, that I don’t quit. It tells me that when I make a decision to fight, I will have the strength and power to overcome whatever blow is dealt.

It is so true in my life off of the mat too. We have been in a perpetual ‘sparring match’ for quite sometime. There have been days when I feel like I have been hit in the face, kicked in the head, blitzed, knocked down and pulled up for more. I haven’t quit. I have simply adjusted my padding and assumed the sparring stance.

It is through little decisions, made on a daily basis, that has given me the power and strength I need to take a hit. Little decisions of prayer, communing with Heavenly Father, spending time with my family, searching His words and seeing the blessings…every little and last one of them.

Life is not easy. There will never be a time in my life when there is not something out there ready to strike. The best thing I can do is pad up and be ready.

Our Story

Our StoryIt has been just over one year. One year ago our path took a new, faith demanding, exhilarating and beautiful turn. I had no idea what was in store for my heart, just promises from Heavenly Father that He would be there every step of the way.

As I have looked back over the year I have seen moments when there seemed like there was no way out, no answers to be had. There always seemed to be more questions than answers and the hole we were in kept getting deeper and deeper. It never did any good to ask, ‘why?’ because the moment that word slipped into my heart it was accompanied by the darkness of guilt and fear. (more…)

Promised Land

A few months ago I wrote about our Purposeful Wanderings and what we had learned in the process of finding our Promised Land. For whatever reason I thought we had learned ‘enough’ forDSCN1076 that time. I am sure Heavenly Father had a good chuckle with that one, knowing what was to come. I am thankful He has a wonderful sense of humor.

Once we stepped into our Promised Land, we have continued to learn through trial, fire, faith, struggles and pure determination. It has been one of the most refining experiences we have ever gone through. (more…)

At Bay

There are weeks in life when the wolves are barking, closing in and biting. Most of the time, they are kept at bay…unable to breach the defenses. However there comes a time and a moment that they get file5311251456711in.

When they get in there are so many things that come with them. They bring with them questions, heartache, problems that pile upon each other and soul stretching pain. The moments that are the most difficult are the ones that hold no inspiration of what to do, where to turn and how to move forward. As you stand there, the wolves are nipping at your feet, growling and pulling back to spring for the kill. Personally when staring down the throat of a wolf readying to spring in for the kill, I get a little nauseated. (more…)

I Will Go

Have you ever been wandering around in the dark? Not knowing where you are going? Not knowing where the end of your current journey is? Have you ever felt like that is where you should be, even if file0001330044883you didn’t understand why? Have you felt like there are things you need to do, but don’t know how they are going to be accomplished? So do I.

This week has been particularly challenging for me, my heart and my faith. I honestly don’t ever remember a time when I have struggled so hard to do the right thing, please my Heavenly Father and travel through the times of trials. I truly feel that I am helpless and don’t know how to help resolve the situation we find ourselves in. This is a test of faith. (more…)

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