It is all about the journey….

Posts tagged ‘trust’

Doubting Me

This morning was not a stellar faith morning for me. In fact this morning exposed aspects of my faith that truly need to be strengthened.

It all started out great. Got up with my son to help him get ready for the early morning shoot around that they have on game days. I love to iron his shirt, make sure his uniform is ready and get his lunch made. It is honestly a blessing that I am home to do this. doubting me

The breakdown of faith came when his ride didn’t show up…for a long time.

Unfortunately my truck is having some issues and there was nothing I could do to get him there. I truly felt helpless.

Backing up to last night as I was working on getting him a ride, I felt in my heart that it would all be okay and that she would be here for him. With that peace, I was able to sleep.

So when it was time for him to be there and he is still on the couch looking at me desperately to get him to the gym, my mind panicked. I wanted so desperately for a miracle to come and the truck to magically start. Not today. I wanted to do anything I could to get him there, but I felt so powerless.

The memory of the peace I felt last night struggled to find footing in my mind to calm me, however I would not listen. Doubt creates a very unfertile field in our minds and hearts, chasing out any seeds of strength, peace or calm.

When his ride came, I felt a little whisper remind me that I knew she would come. Gratitude washed over my heart, followed quickly by a heavy heart.

How many times have I done this very thing? How many times have I had His promises that everything would be okay and yet, I fear, worry and doubt? How many times has He shown me that He is in control when life is not?

Every time.

And still I doubt, because I want to be able to have the power to take action. I want to have control (at least some semblance of it) over life.

Yet, at the end of the day it is all about leaving my fear, doubt and worry at His feet, trusting that it will all work out.

Because it always does.

One day this aspect of my human nature will have conquered. One day this weakness will be a strength. One day.

Until then it is up to me to do my best, repent when I falter and look to Him to move forward.

Somedays my best is pretty good. Others? Well let’s just say today is that day and I have some work to do.

Loaves and Fishes

This morning I was taught by the Spirit. We are in the process of making a major change in our lives. As with any change of this magnitude, there are pros and cons, things that make sense and that don’t.

As I have weighed the pros and cons and looked at everything that makes sense and wondered at what does not, I turned to my Heavenly Father in prayer. I asked for Him to guide my mind so that I can make the right decision, even if it is one that does not make sense to my mortal mind.

Loaves and FishesHe is always so kind and patient in His teachings.

My mind kept wandering down different paths and their perceived outcomes. I began to notice that as it would wander down certain paths…the ones that seemed to make the most logical sense, my mind would darken and I would feel a certain level of anxiety in my heart. I realized that it was His gentle way of showing me what He needs us to do right now.

I have worried about having enough, being able to have the means to live and do what we need to do. It is something that has weighed on my heart for over 3 years. Again, this worry came to the front of my heart.

I was reminded of a story in Matthew chapter 14. It is a time when Jesus is working through the death of John the Baptist, His beloved cousin and friend. The multitudes find Him and want what we all want…time and healing. His compassion is overwhelming to my heart that still struggles with giving when I am hurting. He teaches, heals and loves each one of these people.

At the end of the day, His disciples tell Him to send them away so that they can find food. They scoff a bit when He asks them to feed the multitude. As they share with Him that they have but little, He asks them to bring their bread and fishes to Him.

This is where the story touched my soul today….

Knowing full well that He had the power to multiply these loaves and fishes to feed everyone, He turns to His Father…our Father and thanks Him for the bounty they have.

After this prayer the multitude was fed.

The miracle is what was left over….more than the initial offering made to Heavenly Father.

The gratitude Jesus had for what little they had allowed the miracle to come to pass.

In the quiet moments I have enjoyed today, I have found so much comfort and strength to move forward down the path that does not necessarily make sense to the world. I am so thankful for the little whisperings of the Spirit that teach me to be like my Savior and trust in our Father to provide.

Forward

ForwardLately I have been in awe of the timelessness the words given to us from Heavenly Father are. I have found a great deal of strength, comfort, knowledge and peace as I have studied His words. It stands to me as one of the greatest miracles we have before us.

One of the stories from the Bible that has always intrigued me is the Exodus of the children of Israel. I marvel at the strength and faith that Moses had in Jehovah as he led thousands of people from captivity. The path was not laid out for him. It was required of him time and time again to take a few ‘steps’ and ask for the way to be shown.

I can only imagine the desire to understand what the will of God was when they arrived on the beaches of the Red Sea. I am sure there was a moment of confusion and the question of, “How am I supposed to do this?” Yet, there they were….on the beach, no time to build boats adequate enough to carry everyone across, complaining abounding, and their enemies were upon them.

Moses turned to the Lord in prayer.

13. And Moses said unto the people, Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will shew to you to day: for the Egyptians whom ye have seen to day, ye shall see them again no more for ever.

14. The Lord shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace.

15. And the Lord said unto Moses, Wherefore criest thou unto me? speak unto the children of Israel, that they go forward:

16. But lift thou up thy rod, and stretch out thine hand over the sea, and divide it: and the children of Israel shall go on dry ground through the midst of the sea. (Exodus 14:13-16)

I have found there are times in my life when I am on the beach of a proverbial Red Sea. The way forward feels impossible and there is not an option to turn back. I have found myself wondering the same thing, “How am I supposed to do this?” It is in these moments that I do my best to understand what the will of God is for me.

I find comfort in Moses’ words….the Lord shall fight for you.

It takes a great deal of prayer and trust in these situations. I have learned through this journey that we are one that He goes before us and prepares the way. I have learned that those things that I think are impossible to overcome are only limitations that I place upon His power. If it is His will, then the path will be made clear before me.

The Red Sea did not part as soon as they reached the beach. It took a moment of faith, seeking and action for the path to be shown to them. It was also a path that no one had anticipated, but Him. I have to wonder, would the children of Israel have followed Moses if they knew their where their path would lead them?

Would I have followed if I would have known where my path was going? if I would have known there would be moments that I cannot see the way forward?

I am so thankful to know that Heavenly Father is in control. I am so thankful to know that He has confidence in me to take me down a path that will require faith and trust. I am so thankful to know that He has always been there (even when He stepped aside for a while). I am so thankful to know that the Atonement of Jesus Christ has not only given me forgiveness when I have fallen, but it has enabled me through its power to do things I never thought I could.

Like Moses, I will do my best to step to the edge of the Red Sea, trust and lift up my rod….

Forward.

I’ve Got This

I've Got ThisThis past week has brought with it some incredible learning experiences. I wish I could say that they were all warm and fuzzy, but I can’t. I realize that often times learning comes with a certain level of discomfort.

Monday morning I woke up with the heaviness of life as we know it right now sitting on my heart and soul. As soon as I uttered a word of prayer, the darkness was there, surrounding me. I could not shake it, no matter how hard I tried. For two days it plagued me and it seemed like the harder I fought, the stronger it became.

I haven’t had many moments where I considered giving up (whatever that would look like), but there was one or two this week. I simply did not know what to do to solve the situation, rise above the darkness or where to look for the light I needed to heal my soul.

A couple of weeks ago, I thought I had figured everything out. I had some pretty specific feelings and had started to act upon them. I began to dream again…something that I have not allowed myself to do for a very long time. It felt like the barriers that have been placed in our lives were beginning to fall away…it felt so good.

Yet, Monday my hope began to fade. As a result I began to doubt all of the feelings I have been receiving from my Heavenly Father. It was a dark place to wander.

As I began to pray, my heart was so scared to ask about the feelings that I had. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to receive the answer I didn’t want to hear. It took a little bit to summon the courage.

I asked if I needed to let go of the things that I had felt…the solution and new path.

My answer was not what I expected, either way.

In that brief moment I felt a peace come over my heart and soul…something that I had not felt in quite some time. The peace spoke to my heart as if to say, “I’ve got this.”

The moment was just that…a moment of peace. It came and went so quickly, but it was real.

Letting GoIt took me a few days to realize what truly happened and has been happening in my life. He has been doing His best to show me, tell me and allow me to see that He has this right now. There is nothing I can do to ‘solve’ this. We are completely in His hands.

It has taken a lot of prayer and pondering to allow myself to let go and trust Him. I am one that likes to solve the problem and move on. Yet, there are some things that take time and experiences to solve and learn from.

I have reflected on many things that have been happening and seeing the peace that I have felt each time I have cried out to Him.

“I’ve got this.”

I am so thankful for every ‘no’ I have received. There have been times when I thought that would be the only answer I ever receive to my prayers. There have been other times that I have thought that it wasn’t even an answer at all. Yet, each one is another evidence that He has a plan for us and that plan is something far greater than what I can see right now.

I just have to let go, breathe and do my best to find Him each day.

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